So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
