Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
