I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Blood and glitter go together right?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
