I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
