I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
