guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
