One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
