Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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