Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
