There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
