Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So many bounce houses so little time
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
