So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize