Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
