And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
