u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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