Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
