We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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