found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
