people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
