haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
