I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i need some magic done to my vagina
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
