I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Panties = found
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
