i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
