My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
