Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
