oh fat girl friday strikes again...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
