Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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