Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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