so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
