just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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