At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
