I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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