Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize