I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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