Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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