we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
