This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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