This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
