drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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