omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
