I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize