Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
