i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
mondays should just be called national damage control day
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
