Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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