Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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