the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
