well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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