I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
