11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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