Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
