you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
