Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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