I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just want nice things and good sex
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
