I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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