is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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