I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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