I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
