My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
