Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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