Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
