Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
