I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I pour the whiskey from now on
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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